((I could use a pick-me-up xD Been a terrible day))
This means you are legal in the US and won’t have anyone else arrested for smutting with you if that is so.
So, just please reblog if you are.
SAY THAT TO SIMBA’S FATHER
- [text] I can’t help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
- [text] I would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
- [text] I’m a gentlemen, chivalry is what I do. I’ll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, I’ll even go down first, but when it comes to Mario Kart, I draw the line. I’m sorry but i just can’t let you beat me at Mario Kart.
- [text] The ticket read “Found nude in a tree”
- [text] My biography would be titled ‘Haunting Truths and Dick Jokes: A Tale of Love, Loss and Masturbation’
- [text] I feel like cursing someone’s firstborn child right now. Like, I wanna Maleficent some bitch.
- [text] That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling ‘Oh God’ and you said: “You’re going to need him after this.”
- [text] Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
- [text] Frankly, since I met you I practically live in a constant state of readiness for sex.
- [text] We’re the best kind of worst people.
- [text] Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
- [text] My only options right now are herpes, gay or vanilla.
- [text] I may not go down in history, but I will definitely go down on your little sister.
- [text] Can we please take bets on how much therapy you’ll need in the future?
- [text] You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likeable bad influence I’ve ever met.
- [text] My life is a requiem composed in the key of ‘fuck’.
- [text] Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
- [text] If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of ‘fuck you’.
kitten wiggles ears while eating
i don’t even care if i reblog this twice a day every single day for the rest of my life
Send me WTF for my muses reaction to yours falling through the ceiling randomly
The blond stands there for a minute simply confused and somewhat worried after he comes crashing through the ceiling. After he gathers his thoughts he runs over to check on him. “…Ahh Goofy are you alright? Y’know I do have a door right, or did you want to make a dramatic entrance this time?”